If I were to look through a microscope and investigate why I wanted to work in Manila, I’d see immaturity. No, not idealism. Not periods of I-am-gonna-change-the-world attacks. But, immaturity. I want to grow alone, away, afar from the things that I used to believe controlled me.
In all honesty, I’d like to quit on my job. Not on my dream to change the world, but on my job. It’s not ‘routinary’. It’s not even boring, if I may say. I’m having fun, with all the learning and the towering challenges I am facing. But to say that I am most satisfied will bring me behind bars. I am not.
The only reasons why I wanted to keep going are my promise to my boss, my plans for the business, and my one-year contract with the dormitory I’m currently residing in. I am desperate to move out and I just can’t explain this feeling.
Every time I would inquire from the Lord, I would receive a message that talks about “right timing”. And I don’t want to scurry to the things that I really wanted. Trust. I wanted to trust God where He planted me in this season.
And sure thing, He knows what He is doing. Just know, one of the campus missionaries of our church texted me, forwarding to me the text she received from one of the students. Overflowing gratitude and thanks. Praises to the Lord. O how faithful the Lord, our God is, for using unworthy people to be a vessel to other people. I thank God for using me to be a channel of His love to other people.
And sure, God has given me another reason to fight forward. To work hard. Not for myself, but for the next generation. If it means fighting for the next generation at this season of my life with what I have and what I am sowing, then so be it. Let me be a channel of Love and grace.
Thanks be to God! 🙂