#the2015investment

Just staring at the sky for an hour or two—a wonder. Masyadong maraming mga bituin. Isa. Dalawa. Tatlo. Apat na milyon. Bilyon. Gazillion. Hindi ko alam. Beneath my confusion, you breathed life to my dry bones. At sinabi mo sa’kin, “Rise and Go.”
*****
Hindi ko masasabing best year ang aking 2014 when it comes to achievements pero when it comes to being a year itself, 2014 has been more than amazing because of Him who is just more than what I expected Him to be. At ang palagi kong reaksyon, “Grabe.”
Maraming naging pasikut-sikot ang year na ‘to—sa sobrang dami, hindi ko na mabilang ang mga panahong naghimutok ako sa keyboard naming sira ang space bar. Hindi ko mabilang ang mga panahong sinabi ko ang “Orayt” at “Okay, welcome po” sa gitna ng daan. Hindi ko mabilang ang mga panahong nagsalita ako ng randomness sa paglalakad ko at pinagkamalan akong baliw ng ibang tao. Hindi ko na mabilang ang panahong nagtext ako ng “Good morning” sa lahat ng katext ko. Pero hindi lang ‘yun.
Hindi ko mabilang ang mga dahilan na, anytime, I should have quit on God. Year of tears. Year of testing. Year of stretching. Year of discouragements. Year kung saan, oo maraming naniwala sa’kin, pero mas maraming hindi nagtiwala sa’kin. Many lost trust in me. Pero, beyond all that, si God pa rin ‘yung naging faithful. Si God pa rin ‘yung nagsabi sa’kin, “Don’t give up. Kaya Ko ‘to. Kaya kaya mo rin.” Si God ‘yung nagsabi sa’king, ‘wag kang bibitaw. Sa mga pabebe moments ko, Siya ‘yung nakikinig sa’kin kahit paulit-ulit na lang ang iniiyak ko.
And true enough: kahit gaano ako pabebe at kadrama, He never gave up on me. He was so patient on me. He still is. And this gives me so much reason to trust Him. Kasi naman…
…God is that passion. Sa simula pa lang ng year na ‘to, I have been so focused on myself. Ang yabang ko kasi, sa sobrang yabang parang lahat na lang ata ng ginawa ko pinalakpakan ko ang sarili ko. At sa sobrang yabang, parang hinihingi ko ang palakpak ng ibang tao. Natural tendency ‘to ng tao sabi sa librong binabasa ko—to demand attention and acceptance to the people around him or her. At ako, may matindi akong case nito.
At some point, I wanted attention to be around me. It feeds me. It feeds my ego. But God knows it will only bring me so far. It was attention that led me to be destructive in my writing. Kaya, sa first month ng year na ‘to, I was bombarded by questions if what I was doing, I was believing in was right. Yes, you might know this but I won’t narrate the exact happenings here.
Tanda ko n’un, birthday week ko (at sobrang gasgas na ng kwentong ito kasi lagi ko ‘tong ginagamit na example kapag kinekwento ko ang “Right Timing” sa mga follow up ko), if Jesus did not come to save me n’ung November, siguro I should taken the rope and tied it around my neck. Oo, gusto ko ng attention, pero not that kind of attention na may halong galit, takot—na parang lahat na lang ng ginawa mo mali. OA na siguro pero hindi ko mapigilan.
Salamat dahil nand’yan ang mga kaibigan ko. At s’yempre, sobrang salamat kasi nand’yan ang lider ko para umalalay sa’kin. Para gumabay sa’kin. Para iparamdam sa’kin na hindi ako mag-isa sa labang ito. [O sige na Cenjei, kahit ramdam mong lumalayo na ako sa’yo eh gusto ko pa ring magpasalamat sa’yo kasi you are the one who treated me like a warrior and believed I was one. Salamat bro. S’yempre ikaw pa rin ang madrama kong lider and don’t ever think na lumalayo ako sa’yo. Personal message na ‘to, sorry na. *laughs*]
Well, I guess you receive the attention that is due to you. And God was more than faithful in sustaining me. He always got that certain way of restoring you back. Besides the birthday and all the overnights na ginanap sa bahay ng aming lider na si Cenjei, eh ang one event na sobrang nagpa-udyok sa’kin para tumayo at lumaban ulit.
March 2014, PASSION MANILA 2014—ito ‘yung event right after ng prom namin. Tumakas ako doon kasi alam kong hindi ako pwedeng alugaga sa event na ‘yun. It’s that time when God told me, before the thousand worshippers surrendering their worship to God, to just stand up and go. Rise and Go. Rise and Go. After that, nagsunod sunod na.
…God paid attention. Tanda ko pa kasi ang mga faith goals ko for 2014. One ay maging EIC ng ADVO. Answered prayer. One ay matuloy ang Interhigh Quiz Show namin at maging stage manager. Answered prayer. One ay maging champion ang ME sa SMX Convetion something. Hindi man ako nakasama, answered prayer. One ay manalo sa Press Con, Answered Prayer. 🙂
Pero, ‘yung isa, hindi ko ine-expect na ie-exceed N’ya. I prayed to be in other Victory churches here in the Philippines. And with that, I prayed na maka-meet ako ng ibang youth leaders from other local churches. Ito ‘yung parang isa sa pinaka-ine-expect ko. Ang sabi ko nga sa Faith Goals ko: “Lord kahit hanggang Lipa lang.” True enough, buong South Luzon ang pinadala Niya.
SYNC South Luzon Leaders’ Camp was an exciting experience for me. Sabi nga sa blog kong ‘to, hindi lang ‘yung event eh pero ‘yung mga taong nakilala ko doon ang nagpa-highlight sa event kong ‘yun. At s’yempre, na-meet ko ang best bud ko na kahit seven months pa lang kaming magkakilala eh, parang kapatid na rin.
Pero more than that is His sweet words for me. Alam mo ‘yun, na lahat ng simpleng iyak ko mula January ’til May, lahat ng pahapyaw kong tawa at halakhak sa kaniya, naririnig Niya. Kasi He pays attention. N’ung Prophetic Presbytery, narinig ko ‘yung mga salitang: family, leadership, speaking, impracticality at s’yempre, father. At after n’un, I know God paid attention to all my prayers.
…God comforts. Yes, worrier ako. Pero para akong nasa Elisha moment lagi “Open your eyes that you may see.” At may isang batalyon ng chariots on fire sa likod ko. Oo, year of tears. Ito na ata ang year na pinaka-marami akong iniiyak. I felt so fragile. Until the very last week of 2014, hindi nagpatalo. Umiyak pa rin ako.
Hindi naman talaga ako iyakin. Palagi ko ‘tong sinasabi kay Maryann na hindi talaga ako iyakin. Pero simula pa lang ng taon, humagulgol na ako. Nagkaroon ako ng anxiety attacks. Sobrang daming attacks sa emotions. Nagpaulan na ako. Napaluhod sa office ng mag-isa. Nagmala-John Lloyd sa gitna ng Community Park. Humagulgol sa harap ni Cenjei sa isang restaurant. Nagpigil ng iyak sa harap ng seniors. Iyak. Kung napaka-siyahin kong bata, mas marami akong napaiyak at napa-post ng single smiley na si EJ (insan!) lang ang pinaka-unang naka-decipher na kapag nagpost ako ng gan’un eh may problema ako.
Naging mahirap ang taon na ‘to para sa’kin hindi dahil ng mga setbacks kundi dahil when you surrender yourself to God, it entails surrendering everything: even your emotions and reputation. I was trained to live by my reputation. N’ung High School ganito, pero when you start to say,”Jesus, Lord over me.” He will start pointing out those that you cuddled by your side and ask you to surrender it to Him. Kaya sobrang hirap kasi every problem will lead back sa tanong na “Sino ba ang Lord mo?”
Sakit. People-pleaser? Walang people-pleaser kay God. Pero alam mo’yun, He comforts me afterwards with His encouragement and promises. The Bible is full of it. His love letter. His assurance of an abundant and prosperous life laced with some instructions of course.
And yes, ito na ‘yun. And high light ng year na ‘to:
…God loves and God is love. Ang cliche no? Pero this is it. Mighty Warrior ang tawag ko sa sarili ko. Oo. Pero hindi naman ako magiging mighty warrior kung hindi naging Mighty Warrior si God ‘di ba? He died for you and me because of His compassion and His love for us na although we don’t deserve any of it, He still gave His one and only Son for us.
Hindi ko ma-imagine ang year na ‘to without thinking of God’s immeasurable love. Simula doon sa leadership. Who said I had skills? I was not born one. I’m not saying na I’m an impressive leader and I’m a good one. I’m not even close. Pero, for God to entrust something that I don’t deserve, it’s awesome. To be leading three mighty warriors to Jesus. It’s a privilege. To see them grow in their faith, it’s a marvel. To be with them as they journey towards the center of heaven (ano kaya ituu), it’s more than…awesome. These three mighty warriors and three great leaders (Jeremiah, Lance and Justine), I am more than privileged to be part of your spiritual journey and to be you “Big Kuya”. Naks. At, s’yempre, nakita ko ang love ni God sa kanilang tatlo. More to our Maity Waryors group next year! Excited for you three.
At s’yempre to see the people of God in a different perspective. To see finances in a different perspective. N’ung nasa mission trip kami n’ung sa Hong Kong, sobrang nag-iba talaga ang perspective ko. Grabe. Do I deserve to be here? Sobrang na-struck ako sa sinabi ni ate love:

“When God calls you, it is a privilege rather than a job. It is an honor rather than a task. remember God can do all things in a snap, but He still chose you. He still decided to use you.”

Grabe ‘to. God can choose to ignore us. God can choose to stay away from us because we are sinners. But, He still chose to give His Son to redeem us. Alam mo ‘yun, ang tingin ko kasi lagi sa sarili ko failure: pero God still used me for this great endeavor. Pere more than that, God still called me to be with Him. (the learning I got from Coach Eman).
And that gears me up for 2015.
Before I proceed sa excitement ko sa 2015, let me give you some of the people I’m very thankful for at kung ano ang mga natutunan ko sa kanila:

1) Cenjei Ramos – “Okay lang ‘yan. Basta tandaan mo, palagi ka lang bumalik kay God.”
2) Chrislyn Ramos – “Kailangan natin ang integrity sa buhay natin.”
3) Adrian Ranas – “There are just people who would accept you fully and would listen to you. At s’yempre conviction.”
4) Coach Robert Sandro – “And I quote, ‘Hindi, hinayaan talaga kitang ma-experience na kailangan talaga kay God naka-depende.'” And true enough… Atsaka ‘yung, “You find rest” At s’yempre ‘yung babanggitin ko mamaya.
5) Ate Pines Brucal – “Hm…Subconcious ang mga natutunan ko sa taong ‘to eh. HAHA bukod sa ka-birthday ko s’ya eh basta.”
6) Si Inay Udachibelsama – “Dito ko na-realize na sobrang importante ng prayer sa lahat ng endeavor.”
7) Lester Lopez – “Walang pagod pagod kay God. Basta kay God, walang pagod pagod.”
8) Coach Eman Doce – “Your first calling: to be with God.” Yern.
9) Paolo Gan – “Editorial Writing s’yempre. Joke. Haha. Sometimes, you just have to be straightforward at hindi na papasikut-sikutin.”
10) T’ Jheng Ramos – “Importante ang pamilya. Sila rin ang babalikan mo sa huli.”
11) A’ Alethia Andaleon – “hindi ko na ‘to kailangan banggitin.
12) A’ Lovely Brillantes – “Kung saan ako natuto ng leadership, siguro 50% n’un sa’yo ate lovely.”
13) Ma’am Priscilla Mizpah Santillana – “Keep doing what you are doing. Basta tandaan mo. blablabla. Atin na lang ‘yun ma’am. HAHA”
14) The Whole ADVO Team – “Marami. Ie-enumerate ko pa ba? xD Basta sobrang salamat sa lahat. 🙂 Saka na ang ADVO post sa March. :P”
S’yempre, ang pinaka-huli sa lahat:

15) A’ Grace Perdiguerra – “You have to act your age. At sobrang dami pang iba. HAHA.”
At s’yempre marami pang iba. HAHA. Eh ‘yan ‘yung mga tumatak talaga sa’kin. Salamat po! 🙂 Sobrang Salamat po (lalo na sa lalaking lagi kong kausap bawat gabi. Grabe. Ikaw na bro! Natiis mo ako sa lagay na ‘to. HAHA)
…God is Lord over all. His kingdom shall reign forever. This 2014 has been a year of sowing para sa’kin. Year of pruning and sowing.

“The Lord God, who gathers the outcasts of Israel, declares, ‘I will gather yet others to him besides those already gathered.’ ” – Isaiah 56:8 (ESV)

Ito ‘yun eh. Why the 2015 investment? Kasi 2015 is a year when I am believing that leaders will rise on their feet to lead and reap in UB. Yern. Basta, lahat ng nangyari sa’kin ngayon, God made that happen to prepare me for 2015 and the years to come. Hindi pa tapos si God sa campus ng UB, hindi pa talaga. All the hurts. All the pain. All that, hindi sila ang nagpatatag sa’kin.
Pabebe, tama na ‘yun. Hindi ko alam kung ito na ‘yung huling post ko na magiging sobrang personal ako, pero bente na ako next year so there’s no reason for me to be pabebe na and to be madrama and all those stuff. This year is a year of standing up. Naks. 2015 is when the promises will come to life. 🙂 This I am believing.
Invest for the next generation. More worshipers! 🙂 At para hindi ma-mroblema, tandaan “There are just two things that we should be juggling, rather than many: those are “Honor God and Make Disciples” ‘yan lang lagi.” – Coach Robert Sandro
Naks bentang benta ka na Coach Rob sa’kin. HAHA. Pero Ayun. Rise up. 🙂 More to come sa 2015.
And s’yempre, si God ang mananaig pa rin! 🙂 To God be the glory for the victories in 2015! 🙂

P.S. Chris Ivan Chua, ikaw ang lahit sa’kin. HAHA as promised, babanggitin kita. Pero babanggitin lang talaga kita. Hi bro!

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3 thoughts on “#the2015investment

  1. Pines

    Subconscious pala ha. 😂 Been a good year, 2014. Excited to see you more of a man. #nomorepabebe (though i really believe you’re not. It takes a man to say that. 😉)

    Reply

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