Aftermath

We all have battles. And I have one that is too overwhelming. Too powerful. Too…tough. Let me share it here.

I have this battle that I really wanted to overcome. But, sadly, and horribly, and unfortunately, I can’t. I can. But I can’t. All around, there will always be stimuli floating in a nonsensical way, fluttering like it wanted to kiss you and bite you then devour you whole. At first, I always go like “meh, who cares about that.” Then it goes deeper and deeper as those stimuli begin to work on my senses. Deeper and deeper. Growing. Growing. Growing. Until you are left with nothing but its presence. And your faith. 

It is overwhelming indeed. It is. It consumes most of you at that moment the enemy corners you. And you are left with nothing but your faith. Your FAITH. In my case, my FAITH. But the enemy appears to be bigger. It appears to be stronger. It appears to be more overwhelming. And suddenly, I dive in. I catch the bait. 

Then, I am left homeless yet again. Hopeless. Used. Maltreated. Like I wanted to shout for justice but I failed to do so. i am speechless. I am left with no faith. I am guilty. I frown. I whimper. I cry. I sob. I curse myself. I wanted to punch myself to death. 

This battle is getting tougher and tougher everyday, and it is getting more frequent. Surrendered have I, but the question is, have I fully surrendered it all to Him? Or am I still holding on to the possibility that it is I who can and will overcome this rather than believing that it is Him who has already won the battle for me? Do have I faith or do I not? 

I stare at a rock. Blank. Motionless. Stagnant. What God is revealing to me today is that when the enemy is overwhelming, I have to reassure to myself that God is more powerful. Taunted I maybe, but God restores my senses to fully understand what is happening around me. 

And to escape the clutches of the enemy is to have a leap of faith. Is to hear His voice. Is to forget. And is to believe. He is faithful. He speaks to us when we are in trouble, yet He gives us the free will to choose between being overwhelmed by the enemy or hearing His voice. What to do? Surrender it all to Him. Fully. And when confronted again, rather than thinking that it can overwhelm you, I should be thinking that God has fully taken away this from me. That God has already won this battle for me. 

And I am always reminded that to kick the supernatural in, you have to do the natural. The natural things that would make you escape. The natural things that would make you empowered and make you trample over the enemy. 

When faced with these things, read His word. 

*sighs*

We all have battles. But all of them Christ has already won over. 

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