I un-wish that I’d work in Manila

If I were to look through a microscope and investigate why I wanted to work in Manila, I’d see immaturity. No, not idealism. Not periods of I-am-gonna-change-the-world attacks. But, immaturity. I want to grow alone, away, afar from the things that I used to believe controlled me.

In all honesty, I’d like to quit on my job. Not on my dream to change the world, but on my job. It’s not ‘routinary’. It’s not even boring, if I  may say. I’m having fun, with all the learning and the towering challenges I am facing. But to say that I am most satisfied will bring me behind bars. I am not.

The only reasons why I wanted to keep going are my promise to my boss, my plans for the business, and my one-year contract with the dormitory I’m currently residing in. I am desperate to move out and I just can’t explain this feeling.

Every time I would inquire from the Lord, I would receive a message that talks about “right timing”. And I don’t want to scurry to the things that I really wanted. Trust. I wanted to trust God where He planted me in this season.

And sure thing, He knows what He is doing. Just know, one of the campus missionaries of our church texted me, forwarding to me the text she received from one of the students. Overflowing gratitude and thanks. Praises to the Lord. O how faithful the Lord, our God is, for using unworthy people to be a vessel to other people. I thank God for using me to be a channel of His love to other people.

And sure, God has given me another reason to fight forward. To work hard. Not for myself, but for the next generation. If it means fighting for the next generation at this season of my life with what I have and what I am sowing, then so be it. Let me be a channel of Love and grace.

Thanks be to God! 🙂

 

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Isang taon na lang.

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Justine. Alam ko, alam ko. Hindi ko na kailangang gawin ‘to kasi s’yempre, sasabihin mo ‘yan kasi kahit nag-aabang ka ng mga bati, eh sasabihin mo sa’kin na kahit ‘wag na akong bumati. Well, walang makakapigil sa’kin. 

Bro, sa almost two years nating magkakilala and more or less one year kong pagiging spiritual older brother mo, I am blessed to see how God move through your life. Kung paano ka na-transform mula isang “feeling blessed” person na fb guy lang to a leader that can influence multitudes. I saw how you became more mature and more responsible sa binibigay sa’yong tasks and directives. I saw how you handled your emotions then and now. Your faith inspires me bro. Your admin skills inspires me much bro.

At hindi ka na ‘yung taong yayakap na lang bigla sa gabi at iiyak (don’t worry, wala namang makakabasa nito masyado), ikaw na ‘yung taong nagre-rely kay God in hard situations. Bro, I am thankful to be part of your life. And one thing: I’ve witnessed how you guys become 10x greater than me. Ang iimba n’yo. Ang gagaling n’yo.

God has so much plans for you bro, and your life brings so much promise and hope to the future of Calaca. Naks. Sabi nga ni Coach Rodel kanina, you are the future mayor of Calaca. Malay mo nga naman. Haha. God has big plans for you, and don’t worry, God will make you a Mechanical Engineer in His perfect time. May mga discouragements man ngayon, don’t be defined by those. 😉

At bro, excited na ako sa missions mo. I’m sure you’d be a blessing there just like how you are here in Batangas City. Sobrang excited na ako na hihingi na ako ngayon ng prayer list mo. Haha. Bro, excited to see you grow deeper in your relationship with God. At one thing: tama na ang pabebe. Hindi ka pabebe bro. 🙂 Kung dati may lokohan tayo na pabebe ka, hindi ka na ‘yun bro. You are a mighty warrior and a man of God! 🙂 Kaya rise up!

Leader. Friend. Kuya. Ano pa ba? Haha. I pray that you would harvest plentifully sa field of your calling. And, elerbye bruh! 🙂 God bless.

PS Isang taon na lang, bente ka na.

PPS Wala akong makitang picture natin, bakit gan’un? hahaha kaya yan na lang. Hahaha Kasama si Pan. xD

The Joshua Problem

Andrew Philip Wee

Great Monday to you! To start off and to clarify, I don’t have any problems with any person named Joshua ok? I know a lot of people named Joshua, in fact I’m working with a guy named Joshua but I don’t have any problems with them. :))

To give you context, the title I used for this blog is an image/metaphor that leadership expert Tim Elmore used in one of his books titled: “Habitudes”. “The Joshua Problem” is an image and metaphor, which Tim Elmore uses to describe a perennial leadership problem: Raising the next generation.

Moses-and-Joshua

Movements, organizations, and churches, ever since the dawn of time, have constantly experienced this problem of raising the next generation. They say that success without a successor is a failure. It’s one thing to lead a successful movement but it’s another to see a successful movement transcend through time and generations. If you look at…

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#the2015investment

Just staring at the sky for an hour or two—a wonder. Masyadong maraming mga bituin. Isa. Dalawa. Tatlo. Apat na milyon. Bilyon. Gazillion. Hindi ko alam. Beneath my confusion, you breathed life to my dry bones. At sinabi mo sa’kin, “Rise and Go.”
*****
Hindi ko masasabing best year ang aking 2014 when it comes to achievements pero when it comes to being a year itself, 2014 has been more than amazing because of Him who is just more than what I expected Him to be. At ang palagi kong reaksyon, “Grabe.”
Maraming naging pasikut-sikot ang year na ‘to—sa sobrang dami, hindi ko na mabilang ang mga panahong naghimutok ako sa keyboard naming sira ang space bar. Hindi ko mabilang ang mga panahong sinabi ko ang “Orayt” at “Okay, welcome po” sa gitna ng daan. Hindi ko mabilang ang mga panahong nagsalita ako ng randomness sa paglalakad ko at pinagkamalan akong baliw ng ibang tao. Hindi ko na mabilang ang panahong nagtext ako ng “Good morning” sa lahat ng katext ko. Pero hindi lang ‘yun.
Hindi ko mabilang ang mga dahilan na, anytime, I should have quit on God. Year of tears. Year of testing. Year of stretching. Year of discouragements. Year kung saan, oo maraming naniwala sa’kin, pero mas maraming hindi nagtiwala sa’kin. Many lost trust in me. Pero, beyond all that, si God pa rin ‘yung naging faithful. Si God pa rin ‘yung nagsabi sa’kin, “Don’t give up. Kaya Ko ‘to. Kaya kaya mo rin.” Si God ‘yung nagsabi sa’king, ‘wag kang bibitaw. Sa mga pabebe moments ko, Siya ‘yung nakikinig sa’kin kahit paulit-ulit na lang ang iniiyak ko.
And true enough: kahit gaano ako pabebe at kadrama, He never gave up on me. He was so patient on me. He still is. And this gives me so much reason to trust Him. Kasi naman…
…God is that passion. Sa simula pa lang ng year na ‘to, I have been so focused on myself. Ang yabang ko kasi, sa sobrang yabang parang lahat na lang ata ng ginawa ko pinalakpakan ko ang sarili ko. At sa sobrang yabang, parang hinihingi ko ang palakpak ng ibang tao. Natural tendency ‘to ng tao sabi sa librong binabasa ko—to demand attention and acceptance to the people around him or her. At ako, may matindi akong case nito.
At some point, I wanted attention to be around me. It feeds me. It feeds my ego. But God knows it will only bring me so far. It was attention that led me to be destructive in my writing. Kaya, sa first month ng year na ‘to, I was bombarded by questions if what I was doing, I was believing in was right. Yes, you might know this but I won’t narrate the exact happenings here.
Tanda ko n’un, birthday week ko (at sobrang gasgas na ng kwentong ito kasi lagi ko ‘tong ginagamit na example kapag kinekwento ko ang “Right Timing” sa mga follow up ko), if Jesus did not come to save me n’ung November, siguro I should taken the rope and tied it around my neck. Oo, gusto ko ng attention, pero not that kind of attention na may halong galit, takot—na parang lahat na lang ng ginawa mo mali. OA na siguro pero hindi ko mapigilan.
Salamat dahil nand’yan ang mga kaibigan ko. At s’yempre, sobrang salamat kasi nand’yan ang lider ko para umalalay sa’kin. Para gumabay sa’kin. Para iparamdam sa’kin na hindi ako mag-isa sa labang ito. [O sige na Cenjei, kahit ramdam mong lumalayo na ako sa’yo eh gusto ko pa ring magpasalamat sa’yo kasi you are the one who treated me like a warrior and believed I was one. Salamat bro. S’yempre ikaw pa rin ang madrama kong lider and don’t ever think na lumalayo ako sa’yo. Personal message na ‘to, sorry na. *laughs*]
Well, I guess you receive the attention that is due to you. And God was more than faithful in sustaining me. He always got that certain way of restoring you back. Besides the birthday and all the overnights na ginanap sa bahay ng aming lider na si Cenjei, eh ang one event na sobrang nagpa-udyok sa’kin para tumayo at lumaban ulit.
March 2014, PASSION MANILA 2014—ito ‘yung event right after ng prom namin. Tumakas ako doon kasi alam kong hindi ako pwedeng alugaga sa event na ‘yun. It’s that time when God told me, before the thousand worshippers surrendering their worship to God, to just stand up and go. Rise and Go. Rise and Go. After that, nagsunod sunod na.
…God paid attention. Tanda ko pa kasi ang mga faith goals ko for 2014. One ay maging EIC ng ADVO. Answered prayer. One ay matuloy ang Interhigh Quiz Show namin at maging stage manager. Answered prayer. One ay maging champion ang ME sa SMX Convetion something. Hindi man ako nakasama, answered prayer. One ay manalo sa Press Con, Answered Prayer. 🙂
Pero, ‘yung isa, hindi ko ine-expect na ie-exceed N’ya. I prayed to be in other Victory churches here in the Philippines. And with that, I prayed na maka-meet ako ng ibang youth leaders from other local churches. Ito ‘yung parang isa sa pinaka-ine-expect ko. Ang sabi ko nga sa Faith Goals ko: “Lord kahit hanggang Lipa lang.” True enough, buong South Luzon ang pinadala Niya.
SYNC South Luzon Leaders’ Camp was an exciting experience for me. Sabi nga sa blog kong ‘to, hindi lang ‘yung event eh pero ‘yung mga taong nakilala ko doon ang nagpa-highlight sa event kong ‘yun. At s’yempre, na-meet ko ang best bud ko na kahit seven months pa lang kaming magkakilala eh, parang kapatid na rin.
Pero more than that is His sweet words for me. Alam mo ‘yun, na lahat ng simpleng iyak ko mula January ’til May, lahat ng pahapyaw kong tawa at halakhak sa kaniya, naririnig Niya. Kasi He pays attention. N’ung Prophetic Presbytery, narinig ko ‘yung mga salitang: family, leadership, speaking, impracticality at s’yempre, father. At after n’un, I know God paid attention to all my prayers.
…God comforts. Yes, worrier ako. Pero para akong nasa Elisha moment lagi “Open your eyes that you may see.” At may isang batalyon ng chariots on fire sa likod ko. Oo, year of tears. Ito na ata ang year na pinaka-marami akong iniiyak. I felt so fragile. Until the very last week of 2014, hindi nagpatalo. Umiyak pa rin ako.
Hindi naman talaga ako iyakin. Palagi ko ‘tong sinasabi kay Maryann na hindi talaga ako iyakin. Pero simula pa lang ng taon, humagulgol na ako. Nagkaroon ako ng anxiety attacks. Sobrang daming attacks sa emotions. Nagpaulan na ako. Napaluhod sa office ng mag-isa. Nagmala-John Lloyd sa gitna ng Community Park. Humagulgol sa harap ni Cenjei sa isang restaurant. Nagpigil ng iyak sa harap ng seniors. Iyak. Kung napaka-siyahin kong bata, mas marami akong napaiyak at napa-post ng single smiley na si EJ (insan!) lang ang pinaka-unang naka-decipher na kapag nagpost ako ng gan’un eh may problema ako.
Naging mahirap ang taon na ‘to para sa’kin hindi dahil ng mga setbacks kundi dahil when you surrender yourself to God, it entails surrendering everything: even your emotions and reputation. I was trained to live by my reputation. N’ung High School ganito, pero when you start to say,”Jesus, Lord over me.” He will start pointing out those that you cuddled by your side and ask you to surrender it to Him. Kaya sobrang hirap kasi every problem will lead back sa tanong na “Sino ba ang Lord mo?”
Sakit. People-pleaser? Walang people-pleaser kay God. Pero alam mo’yun, He comforts me afterwards with His encouragement and promises. The Bible is full of it. His love letter. His assurance of an abundant and prosperous life laced with some instructions of course.
And yes, ito na ‘yun. And high light ng year na ‘to:
…God loves and God is love. Ang cliche no? Pero this is it. Mighty Warrior ang tawag ko sa sarili ko. Oo. Pero hindi naman ako magiging mighty warrior kung hindi naging Mighty Warrior si God ‘di ba? He died for you and me because of His compassion and His love for us na although we don’t deserve any of it, He still gave His one and only Son for us.
Hindi ko ma-imagine ang year na ‘to without thinking of God’s immeasurable love. Simula doon sa leadership. Who said I had skills? I was not born one. I’m not saying na I’m an impressive leader and I’m a good one. I’m not even close. Pero, for God to entrust something that I don’t deserve, it’s awesome. To be leading three mighty warriors to Jesus. It’s a privilege. To see them grow in their faith, it’s a marvel. To be with them as they journey towards the center of heaven (ano kaya ituu), it’s more than…awesome. These three mighty warriors and three great leaders (Jeremiah, Lance and Justine), I am more than privileged to be part of your spiritual journey and to be you “Big Kuya”. Naks. At, s’yempre, nakita ko ang love ni God sa kanilang tatlo. More to our Maity Waryors group next year! Excited for you three.
At s’yempre to see the people of God in a different perspective. To see finances in a different perspective. N’ung nasa mission trip kami n’ung sa Hong Kong, sobrang nag-iba talaga ang perspective ko. Grabe. Do I deserve to be here? Sobrang na-struck ako sa sinabi ni ate love:

“When God calls you, it is a privilege rather than a job. It is an honor rather than a task. remember God can do all things in a snap, but He still chose you. He still decided to use you.”

Grabe ‘to. God can choose to ignore us. God can choose to stay away from us because we are sinners. But, He still chose to give His Son to redeem us. Alam mo ‘yun, ang tingin ko kasi lagi sa sarili ko failure: pero God still used me for this great endeavor. Pere more than that, God still called me to be with Him. (the learning I got from Coach Eman).
And that gears me up for 2015.
Before I proceed sa excitement ko sa 2015, let me give you some of the people I’m very thankful for at kung ano ang mga natutunan ko sa kanila:

1) Cenjei Ramos – “Okay lang ‘yan. Basta tandaan mo, palagi ka lang bumalik kay God.”
2) Chrislyn Ramos – “Kailangan natin ang integrity sa buhay natin.”
3) Adrian Ranas – “There are just people who would accept you fully and would listen to you. At s’yempre conviction.”
4) Coach Robert Sandro – “And I quote, ‘Hindi, hinayaan talaga kitang ma-experience na kailangan talaga kay God naka-depende.'” And true enough… Atsaka ‘yung, “You find rest” At s’yempre ‘yung babanggitin ko mamaya.
5) Ate Pines Brucal – “Hm…Subconcious ang mga natutunan ko sa taong ‘to eh. HAHA bukod sa ka-birthday ko s’ya eh basta.”
6) Si Inay Udachibelsama – “Dito ko na-realize na sobrang importante ng prayer sa lahat ng endeavor.”
7) Lester Lopez – “Walang pagod pagod kay God. Basta kay God, walang pagod pagod.”
8) Coach Eman Doce – “Your first calling: to be with God.” Yern.
9) Paolo Gan – “Editorial Writing s’yempre. Joke. Haha. Sometimes, you just have to be straightforward at hindi na papasikut-sikutin.”
10) T’ Jheng Ramos – “Importante ang pamilya. Sila rin ang babalikan mo sa huli.”
11) A’ Alethia Andaleon – “hindi ko na ‘to kailangan banggitin.
12) A’ Lovely Brillantes – “Kung saan ako natuto ng leadership, siguro 50% n’un sa’yo ate lovely.”
13) Ma’am Priscilla Mizpah Santillana – “Keep doing what you are doing. Basta tandaan mo. blablabla. Atin na lang ‘yun ma’am. HAHA”
14) The Whole ADVO Team – “Marami. Ie-enumerate ko pa ba? xD Basta sobrang salamat sa lahat. 🙂 Saka na ang ADVO post sa March. :P”
S’yempre, ang pinaka-huli sa lahat:

15) A’ Grace Perdiguerra – “You have to act your age. At sobrang dami pang iba. HAHA.”
At s’yempre marami pang iba. HAHA. Eh ‘yan ‘yung mga tumatak talaga sa’kin. Salamat po! 🙂 Sobrang Salamat po (lalo na sa lalaking lagi kong kausap bawat gabi. Grabe. Ikaw na bro! Natiis mo ako sa lagay na ‘to. HAHA)
…God is Lord over all. His kingdom shall reign forever. This 2014 has been a year of sowing para sa’kin. Year of pruning and sowing.

“The Lord God, who gathers the outcasts of Israel, declares, ‘I will gather yet others to him besides those already gathered.’ ” – Isaiah 56:8 (ESV)

Ito ‘yun eh. Why the 2015 investment? Kasi 2015 is a year when I am believing that leaders will rise on their feet to lead and reap in UB. Yern. Basta, lahat ng nangyari sa’kin ngayon, God made that happen to prepare me for 2015 and the years to come. Hindi pa tapos si God sa campus ng UB, hindi pa talaga. All the hurts. All the pain. All that, hindi sila ang nagpatatag sa’kin.
Pabebe, tama na ‘yun. Hindi ko alam kung ito na ‘yung huling post ko na magiging sobrang personal ako, pero bente na ako next year so there’s no reason for me to be pabebe na and to be madrama and all those stuff. This year is a year of standing up. Naks. 2015 is when the promises will come to life. 🙂 This I am believing.
Invest for the next generation. More worshipers! 🙂 At para hindi ma-mroblema, tandaan “There are just two things that we should be juggling, rather than many: those are “Honor God and Make Disciples” ‘yan lang lagi.” – Coach Robert Sandro
Naks bentang benta ka na Coach Rob sa’kin. HAHA. Pero Ayun. Rise up. 🙂 More to come sa 2015.
And s’yempre, si God ang mananaig pa rin! 🙂 To God be the glory for the victories in 2015! 🙂

P.S. Chris Ivan Chua, ikaw ang lahit sa’kin. HAHA as promised, babanggitin kita. Pero babanggitin lang talaga kita. Hi bro!

All the PAN feels

So you were waiting for this? I am too. Unfortunately, I have to deal with a lot of stress before I come up with this. But here goes nothing (and I’m assuming Justine would get so mad at me for not posting something long for his birthday. but… anyway)

Happy Birthday Jeremiah Pan-feels. You do know how blessed I am to be part of your spiritual journey. But, I guess I learned some remarkable things from you.
1) Be on time. You value time more than me. You value the urgency of something. You value that every second counts. And that is, like, a huge plus plus for you.
2) Appreciate the little things. Like the snap dance (ooh, I forgot the title). Like the Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj. Like 9gag (our first ever discovered common ground). Like your jokes.
3) Care. That you don’t have to be so ‘OA’ in showing a person that you care for him/her. That a simple gesture or ‘what’s up?’ would do fine.

And some which just inspires me.
4) Leadership. Truth be told, I see so much potential in you in this area. I see how you handle things. And sure enough, I learned a lot from you in this area. How you handled people. How you laid down commands. How you executed them. How you respected your authorities. And how you were eager to finish everything on time. You are a great leader. And, sure enough, you are a better leader than me. Way better leader than me.
5) Heart. You have a heart for a certain type of people. And you have a heart to share the Gospel to the people around you. That eagerness irks a certain type of excitement in me. And awe. And it amazes me how you are so eager in responding to God’s calling of making disciples. In inviting. And of course, your heart to…you know. You know it bruuh.
6) Hunger for God’s Word. This. I. Kept. Reiterating. You. So. You. Already. Know. This. 🙂
7) Your Potential. They already said this about you. And yes, that’s true. You are already destined to be great, and the coming months would be a bomb-shackling (what’s this?)experience for you. I know God’s going to use you to greater heights, and to things that you won’t even imagine. You are… a great person.

Yeah. Stop with all the mushy stuff. But yeah, if you learned something from me, I have definitely learned MANY THINGS from you that I don’t have to list it down here. You are God’s MIGHTY WARRIOR. Keep preaching the Gospel bro! Keep it intact in your heart and deepen your relationship with him! 🙂

On another note, I didn’t expect that you’re gonna have your One2One with me. Honestly. Because, you were like very suplado when we first met. But, yeah. I’m thankful. For all the jokes. And the business. And all those stuff.

elerbyu bruh. Happy 19th birthday. (ooh, we have now the same age.)

Optional

CAUTION: This contains a lot of grammar errors. So bear with me. *smirks*

Screw grammar. (Wow, this is the first time I became mad because of grammar…with all those awkward words stitched together and overused words…ugh). Utterance. Light. Heads up. Stars. Skies. Utterance. Stuttering. Shaking. Hearing. Listening. Utterance. Commission. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Me. 

Utterance. My lips could hardly spell a straight word without realizing the importance of ‘me’ in that. Anyway, this is not about the ‘me’ personality of mine. It was never about me, by the way. But there’s that thing lingering. Haunting. Not the past. Maybe it’s the mod. Or the atmosphere. But it seems that I can’t get back on track. 

It’s like…I needed to pause. Now. *giggles…tears up* Something’s wrong. Something’s definitely wrong. And yes, I was wrong. It’s not about the people surrounding me. It was never about the people, or even the situation. It’s all about the heart. The fragile heart. The same heart that is engulfed in flames. The same heart that breaks. The same heart that pains. Hurts. Smiles. Tears. 

Optional… considering the heart was never optional. You’ll get it by this time. That my thoughts are all messed up right now. I’m all messed up right now (not that I’m actually equating myself with thoughts). 

Lord…soften my heart. 😦